


After the Fall

by Gaithius



Category: Wintercraft Series - Jenna Burtenshaw
Genre: After a year of not reading the series, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I may have just finished the 3rd book, Kate is trying to help, Silas doesn't have good dealing techniques, Spoilers for the ending of the trilogy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 08:30:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16133516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaithius/pseuds/Gaithius
Summary: (Spoilers for the ending of the third book!)The Veil fell, but only briefly. The dead roamed the streets for a while, but they had been returned to their after life by the forces of the last of the Walkers: Kate Winters. The Council was gone, the Night Train too as the corrupted government was torn down. Silas Dane should be happy, his war was done.But it was not. He was not dead, and his soul was once again in the black. Even the feared warrior is not strong enough to face this alone, not when he got so close.AN: Full disclosure, I may have just found the 3rd book after a long hiatius and had a minor freakout at the ending because Poor Silas. This is totally unedited but I needed something to wrap this up a little, plus I really like the platonic relation between Silas and Kate so I had some fun.





	After the Fall

Silas could reliably say that the most difficult thing in his life was the taste of death stolen away from his soul just when he had reclaimed it. 

After twelve excruciatingly long years with nightmares dancing at the corners of his vision, he thought he had finally succeed. Kate Winters, one of the few remaining Walkers, binding the shades to her, and binding her soul to the black. His soul had returned, he felt death whisper up his spine, felt the chance to finally- _ finally _ -let go. He could die.

But he didn’t.

He was the one who drew Kate into this, it was not his place to put her in the same place he had been in. It was not fair for him to justify her sacrifice to save him when all it would do is put Kate into his torture. He had told her that, or rather something like that. It was true, he was used to the black; it’s echoing screams, shadowy spirits, and memories twisted into nightmares were like leeches.

So now he sat in the basement of the museum he called home, his crow fluttering around the room while he clutched his head and wondered for the millionth time why he ever thought he could hold out. Silas Dane was a soldier to be feared, an officer to the wardens, a traitor to the disgraced council, and--oddly--a friend to the woman he shot with a crossbow. What Silas Dane was not was weak, probably going insane, and very close to swinging into a violent rage as things spun out of control.

The black feathered form of his crow fluttered into Silas’s line of sight, staring worriedly at his master with small black eyes. Pulling his hands from their death grip in his midnight black hair, Silas looked up at his faithful companion, a shaky frown on his face. The iridescent black feathers glinted in the soft candle light, catching the ex-warden’s gaze. It was fascinating to watch the light bounce off the shiny feathers, and Silas found himself unusually attracted to such a detail. Demons danced at the edge of his vision, but he focused upon the soft feathers of his crow, the ink stained pages beneath his taloned feet, the heavy scent of dust and old books that lingered in the air. It was no different than any time he had settled at the desk before, but somehow those tiny familiar details helped. They grounded him, brought him away from the horrors his conscience could see through his soul.

It was startling when he felt the warm tears falling down his face; he had almost thought he couldn’t cry. With all he had done--all he had been through--he couldn’t exactly say he was the most mentally sound person. Crying just seemed… too unusual for him. Then again, his odd instincts to protect Mr. Rhills and Ms. Winters were unusual, as was the abandoning of his one chance at death.

The soft sound of a door shutting drew Silas out of his thoughts. Drawing in a deep breath, Silas ran a hand over his face in order to stealthily wipe the tears away as he stood up. Kate was slowly descending the stairs, a book open tucked under her arm and plate of food in her hands. She greeted him with a typically bright smile, something Silas had been graced with more and more often as they moved further and further away from the Council’s corrupted governing. 

“Hello,” Kate’s voice was as gentle as she looked, but Silas could see her strength--as a Walker and as herself--lying just beneath the surface, “Thought you might want some dinner. You should get out of this place more often, it’s a bit dusty.”

“I rather enjoy the space, it’s quiet and away from most things,” Silas gave his best impression of a confident tone, but he couldn’t tell if he hit the mark or not. 

“Never known you to be a loner Silas,” Kate quirked her eyebrow and set the plate down, settling across from Silas, “You aren’t the most forthcoming of people for sure, but you don’t hide away like this.”

“A fair observation,” Silas admitted, taking a slice of bread from the plate. He was not particularly hungry, but it gave him an excuse to not explain any further.

“Silas,” Kate began slowly, noting the tension in his shoulders, “You can’t lie to me like this. Somethings wrong, beyond just reworking the entire government of Fume. Tell me.”

The bread in his mouth had lost all its flavor, now feeling thick and rough as he struggled to swallow. Out of all the conversations he most wanted to not have, telling Kate of the effects the black was having on his mind was in the top 5 if not the top one. He knew she had seen some of the horrors that resided in the black, witnessed death and pain far greater than someone like her should have seen, but it was not something he wanted to discuss further. The black had a way of getting under your skin, planting a seed of insanity that stretched its root far into the mind the longer it stayed. Kate had not seen that level of horror yet, had not gotten used to its constant pressure on his sanity. 

“It is not something I wish to discuss,” Silas finally responded, forcing himself to meet Kate’s eyes with a hardened gaze.

“You don’t get that option,” Kate’s reply was just as firm. It almost made Silas smile.

“You don’t get to order me around,  _ Ms. Winters _ ,” Silas fixed his best glare at Kate, who shifted slightly but seemed to steel herself. 

“I’m not leaving you down here on your own. I’m not saying I can fix whatever is wrong, but you aren’t alone anymore. You’ve got friends to lean on--” Silas snorted at that, “--so take advantage of that. Silas, you saved my life, brought my soul back from the black and took its place. Now would you please tell me what’s wrong?”

Silas saw a moment of irony at the women he shot a crossbow bolt into had categorized that event as “saving her life” but he did not point it out. Instead, He looked down at his lap, at his calloused and life-worn hands shaking slightly. It startled him, seeing the very real evidence that he was afraid. Fear was not something he had experienced in a long time, or at least fear for himself. He had worried for Kate, for Edgar and for Fume. 

“Kate…” Silas began, not knowing exactly where he was going with this. He could tell her a million things, spill the secrets of the black and taint her pure soul even more than he had already done so. He could bring up the raging fire within him, wanting to tear down what remained of the Council and restore Fume to its former glory, living peacefully in honor of the dead. He could tell her about all the memories she saw while coming out of the influence of Dalliah, all the pain he had kept wrapt up in his mind so he could function.

He said none of those things.

“I… Edgar may not know, nor anyone else,” Distantly, Silas was aware that this was the first time he had called the boy by his given name, “This is not information they need to be privy to.”

Kate looked unnerved by this, but nodded her agreement regardless, “Alright, I won’t tell them.”

The silence stretched between them for several moments as Silas gathered his thoughts, though he would not admit it was partially a chance to gather the courage needed. Finally, he closed his eyes and steadied his voice.

“You have seen some of the horrors of the black, and I told you before that--when I took your place there--I could… withstand its effects because I was used to it. I… underestimated my own strength,” Silas swallowed the catch in his throat, determined not to let his voice break, “I cannot continue to be the same person after the Veil nearly falling, after getting  _ so close _ …” He fell silent, not trusting his voice to stay strong. This is not what he meant to tell Kate, she didn’t need to burden that neither of them could fix to fall on her shoulders as well.

“Do you regret it?” Kate’s question was quiet, though the sincere concern in her voice was almost tangible; it chipped away at the wall Silas was trying to maintain.

“Bringing you into this fight or stepping away from death,” Silas finally looked up as he spoke, meeting her eyes. A small smirk almost tugged at the corner of his mouth as he watched her brow furrow, her teeth worrying her lower lip.

“Both.”

“I do and I don’t. I should have never brought you into this battle, I should have been able to put aside my own selfish goals. So much could have been avoided if I had not taken you. So yes, I regret bringing you into this fight, and I regret that I had to step away from death. I would do it again though, abandon the chance at death. I put you in the very position I was trying so desperately to get away from. It was cruel to ask that of you,” Silas sighed, sitting back in his chair to stare at the ceiling. There was a collection of spiderwebs in the corners; their webs were soon morphed into grotesque versions of shades. The black would not leave him alone.

“You don’t have to bear this alone.”

This time a pained smile did find its way to Silas’s face and he looked back at Kate, pity in his eyes. For a girl so clever and powerful, it sometimes seemed she had no common sense.

“Don’t give me that look,” Kate crossed her arms over her chest, her brows furrowed and a stern frown on her face, “You can’t tell me you can hold this on your own. You’ve got friends now, people who care about you for some reason and want to help. You gave up your chance at death for me, gave up your chance at sanity even. You can’t just tell me your hurting like that and then not let me help!”

“Since when did you care about me,” Silas quirked a brow, though he secretly felt a soaring in his chest. It had been a very long time since he had been something more than an officer to be respected or a name to be feared. Friend was not a term one associated with Silas Dane.

“Does it really matter? Silas, when Dalliah had my memories shuffled away I was so confused. You stood outside that inn and showed me everything I had forgotten. I saw your memories, you can’t tell me those don’t matter.”

Silas did not reply, instead choosing to stare intently at a random point over Kate’s shoulder. He felt off balance, unprepared and confused in this conversation. He had strategies and plans for battles, clever words and a quick swords when needed. He could handle himself usually, but at that moment he found he couldn’t even handle looking at Kate directly, too afraid something would crack in him.

It was not a feeling he liked.

When a gentle hand touched his knees, Silas felt himself tense, just barely managing not to flinch away. Kate was looking at him with those damned eyes again, gentle and caring and worried about someone she had no business being worried about. Edgar deserved it far more than him, but here she was, sitting across from him trying to get him to open up despite his attempts to avoid it. He supposed that was partly his fault, their connection through the veil was strong and he  _ did _ share his entire memory with her. If recent events were anything to go by, Kate was not going to stop until he gave her something to go off of.

“A fa-” Silas cleared his throat as his voice cracked slightly, eyes briefly flicking to the side as a particularly gruesome nightmare made its presence known before returning to Kate, “A fair point.” Here is where he was supposed to apologize, but he wasn’t quite sure what he would be apologizing for so he stayed quiet instead. 

“Let me help, Silas.”

“This isn’t something either of us can fix, the Veil is a fickle thing as we have already poked the beast one too many times. Best leave things where they lie.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Kate’s hand moved from his leg to grab his hand, a friendly gesture Silas had almost forgotten could be extended to him, “I know we can’t change the past and keep your soul out of the black, but you don’t have to keep that burden to yourself. Hiding away down here can’t be good for you. You don’t have to tell me--us--the details of what’s happening, but when something is happening, please… just say something. We can help.”

Silas was not sure how exactly she intended to help, as neither he, Kate, nor Edgar knew enough about the black to do much beyond staring at it and quake with fear. It was a mystery he didn’t want to unravel at the moment. Regardless, the glistening tears in Kate’s eyes and warmth of his head were provoking, and Silas found himself nodding his agreement despite his internal lack of faith.

“Thank you.”

When Kate leaned in to wrap her arms around Silas and  _ hug  _ him, he did flinch away. Ever so slightly, but either Kate didn’t notice or didn’t care as she pulled his tense body forward. After a few moments of awkwardness, Silas accepted his fate and relaxed his muscled, tentatively wrapping his arms around her back. When tears threatened to roll down his cheeks, he closed his eyes and willed them to dissipate, not quite willing to show that side of him yet. He tucked his face into the crook of Kate’s neck in an uncharacteristic show of weakness, simply relishing the closeness between them for a moment.

After what seemed both like an eternity and only a heartbeat, Kate broke away, giving him a clear and gentle smile as she sat back in her chair.

“Shall I leave you to your dinner then?”

As much as he longed to go directly back into his avoidance of socially eating, Silas shook his head and grabbed his plate, offering Kate a hand. “I believe I just made a promise to inform you when the black was getting to me and let you help. I will make good on my promise, starting now.”

The smile Kate held now was strained, a tinge of sadness in her eyes as she watched Silas put out all but one of the candles and lead her to the door. Letting Kate go up the steps first, Silas held out his arm as his crow fluttered towards him, landing with a ruffling of his feathers. He followed Kate up moments later, quietly wondering when his luck changed.

The Veil was in tact, and while his soul was still in the black, his home--Fume--was safe. The wardens were back to being trained properly, the council dethroned, and the people of the underground were making their home in society. Kate was alive and safe--Edgar too, which surprised Silas in terms of how much he cared for the boy--and they were no longer on the run. Silas himself was healing now, the rifts between him and the wardens, and the gaping holes in his soul. He had friends now, a family. It was odd, knowing someone was there for him after so long without. 

Odd, but pleasing. He wasn’t alone anymore. 


End file.
